I got pregnant, surprise! the old fashioned way... and lost it promptly, as expected, as my immune system is still crazy haywire. So my husband and I are looking for a gestational carrier for the last two embryos we have on ice... basically there's only one more drug we could add to the cocktail, which has no guarantee of helping, is experimental, uncovered by insurance, and would cost an additional $24k. So it seems logical to try letting a healthy uterus get a crack at it instead. So, if you have always wanted to be a carrier, don't hesitate to get in touch, please.
Spent some time on the west coast with a dear friend undergoing chemo and radiation treatments. That was stressful.
And then my mother in law and my husband's favorite uncle both passed away within about a week of each other. So we spent some time with his dad and aunt (my husband is still there in fact) and plan on several return trips over the next three months.
Plus I am crazy busy at work getting ready for a hearing in three weeks.
I'm feeling tired all the time, zero motivation to train, zero motivation to do anything really besides read. So I recognize I'm depressed and I'm trying to take care of myself, push myself to get back on the mats (I know it will make me feel better just to get moving.) I'm trying to eat healthily and get good sleep, and I've spent good time with friends lately which is always restorative.
Last, wanted to direct you to a nice interview from BJJ Eastern Europe with Christy Thomas, Relson Gracie's first female blackbelt. Read it here.
3 comments:
Although we've never met, I find myself at your blog often enough to feel motivated by your courage, to celebrate your victories and mourn your losses.
You have my deepest condolences on the loss of your child; I can only imagine how difficult it must be - as a 30-something who is only beginning to have trouble to have a larger family than my wife and myself, I wanted to thank you for your honesty in this struggle. Even though you may be by yourself, you are not alone.
I've been told that one of the best ways to battle depression is to be active; in this case, I think perhaps you just need time to breathe on the mat, to feel it under your feet, to swaddle yourself in the warm arms of a gi. At least for me, those times of orchestrated violence - both against my person and against my opponent - bring a clarity to my life that nothing else can.
Perhaps it seems trite, but I am praying for you, for your family and for those in your community that surround you, that you might be uplifted and given peace.
Tapoften, that was so kindly put... thank you very much. I really appreciate it. I wish you and your wife the best (and if you want to read more about my diagnosis and the issues I face, I have an infertility blog that I post even less frequently on... www.cantcontroleverythingafterall.wordpress.com)
As for training-- lunch was REALLY good at getting me out of my head, and I found the concept of "orchestrated violence" to be really apt.
Thank you ;)
Hi G,
I am so sad and sorry to hear about your recent losses. Thinking of you.
SG
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