Funny fb chat...

OK-- transcript of what I thought was a truly funny exchange between my friend and some girl. Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

John
So my paper is going nowhere.

19:37Heather
what paper

19:37John
the paper.
you know. the one due this friday.

19:37Heather
oh i havent even finished my interviews

19:37John
GASP
heather. you're making me feel like a nerd.

19:38Heather
sorry!

19:39John
No. don't be sorry. I'll just feel like I'm smarter.
I like that much better.
haha.

19:39Heather
always an asshole huh??

19:39John
I'm not being an asshole.
I've just been trying to figure out for the last week or so whether you had a sense of humor
I mean, look
You passed the first test. You're very pretty.
so then I started talking to you to see whether you had a good personality
you were smart talented etc
now I'm testing to see whether you have a sense of humor
but man
you're kinda failing me on that one!

19:43John
It's all perfectly fine though. It's really not awkward at all. We're still cool.

19:44Heather
hahahahhahahahahahahahhaaha sorry i was getting my dinner
omg well first
thank you about the pretty thing and the good personality
and i do have a sense of humor
esp in person
hard to read sense of humor
over facebook chat
esp when that humor is you saying youre inherently better than me
haha
make sense?

19:46John
whaaat?
you don't even talk to me during class

19:47Heather
do you realize what you just asid
said*

19:47John
how am I going to get to hear this sense of humor!

19:47Heather
talk to you DURING class

19:47John
if you dont make the effort to talk to me

19:47Heather
hahahaha
oh goodness

19:47John
hahahaha
oh my god heather smith.
you are the weirdest girl I've met
it's ok

19:47Heather
WHAT?

19:48John
it's not akward at all

19:48Heather
it's so not true

19:48John
I promise
like on tuesday

19:48Heather
but oh well

19:48John
I'm going to talk to you like I always to you
so you dont have to feel weird about this conversation.
I'm not offended. i swear.

19:48Heather
oh goodness im not asking whethert youre offended or not

19:48John
(it's all a joke, by the way)
SARCASM

19:48Heather
YES
i got that

19:48John
oh.

19:49Heather
god

19:49John
I'm really laughing very hard at this and showing all my friends this fb chat
We're having a great time!
anyway
Ok. ok

19:50Heather
superb.

19:50John
I promise I won't give you the silent treatment anymore.
I'm going to find out about this secret "sense of humor" i haven't seen before.
or actually, heard.
Don't run out on me after class and dont even THINK about saying you have something to do after class because I know you don't.

19:51Heather
hahahhaaha actually i do, im becoming increasingly busy since it's the end of the semester
and i do have friends thank you

19:51John
well I'm not going follow you or anything to other places, because I have things to do at 5pm
I can only see you from 3:30 pm to 5:00 pm
so if that doesn't work, then I guess we can't see each other.
and we'll always be facebook friends and not, you know, real friends.

19:52Heather
hahahahaha

19:52John
that's the way it is, heather.
I'm not compromising

19:55Heather
alright then haha

19:55John
alright then what?

19:56Heather
nothing much more to the alright then besides alright then

19:56John
alright then yes or alright then no?
makkke up your mind. Women. I swear.
PFT!

19:57Heather
make up my mind about what?

19:58John
about walking with me after class duh
well that's not it but I'm telling you that to give you some answer that isn't my real answer

19:58Heather
ok you're confusing me--if we happen to be walking in the same direction
ok
if not
we dont
what is the big deal

19:59John
the big deal is that you've taken this class like twice and you're my best resource to ace this classsss
there. you wanted to know the extent that my evil goes?
you found it.

20:00Heather
im sure that's the underlying motive

20:00John
that's exactly it.
actually.
so yes can I study with you or no?
you should be happy I'm asking you instead of making you.
most guys wouldn't.

20:00Heather
i don't believe you for one instance

20:01John
most guys would have been your lappuppy and tricked you into studying with them
most guys wouldn't even dare ask you
I'm telling you straight up what my intention is
I wanna study with you
and that's it.

20:01Heather
not true, i dont have lappuppies and two, if you just want to study with me
how do my looks come into it?
they shouldnt

20:01John
your looks?
what about you looks?

20:02Heather
yeah whyd you say im very pretty

20:02John
because you are.
I'm not going to say what isn't true.
I'm a man.
I dont lie
you're pretty

20:02Heather
if you just want to study with me that wouldnt have come up! hahaha oh god

20:02John
no no
look
you're very pretty
but what about that?
for me to be interested like THAT in a girl
they have to have more than that
looks are great
but what's in your head?
what's in your heart?
what's in your personality?
are you smart? are you independent, etc etc.
that's more important.
so no. I'm not interested you in that way yet.
if you turn out to be what I'm looking for, great. I'll ask you out on a date

20:03Heather
hahahhaha well im not looking to be courted

20:03John
I'm not courting you

20:03Heather
but thank you anyway
im just saying
fyi
dont get too attached

20:03John
attached?

20:03Heather
cause im very likeable

20:03John
oh my god

20:03Heather
hahahaha

20:03John
YOU ARE SO FULL OF YORUSELF
YOURSELF

20:04Heather
rather than having a bad ego

20:04John
you were saying that I was full of myself
and now you think I am going to fall head over heels over you.
wow.

20:04Heather
no it just happens a lot

20:04John
how the tables have turned.

20:04Heather
so im warning you

20:04John
chill.
hahahaha
just relax
I've been telling you over and over that I'm not going to marry you
did you not pay attention?
hahaha

20:05Heather
yes yes every girl remembers that a boy says they arent going to marry you

20:05John
who?
no no
this isn't like that
what is this a game or some sort?
you said you were going to be a wedding planner
so I said I wasn't going to marry you
it's just a joke

20:05Heather
HAHAHA you my friend need to lighten up
yes i know

20:06John
there's nothing to it

20:06Heather
and im joking too

20:06John
no you're not.
I know women
I know dating
and I know you put importance to everything I say
and testing me each step
I know your tricks
there's nothing you can do that will surprise me. believe me.

20:06Heather
hahhahahahahhaa you're flattering me to think that im putting that much thought into something between us
cause im not
in fact
im kinda seeing this guy so im actually
not projecting
anything into what youre saying

20:07John
look. I dont know what you're thinking
but I'm not looking to date you.
As I said

20:08Heather
I KNOW THAT

20:08John
you're not what I'm looking for.

20:08Heather
i dont know why you keep saying that

20:08John
because you keep bringing it up

20:08Heather
no im not

20:08John
I can go back and like cite everything

20:08Heather
im telling you whether you decide tehres more to me or whatever
im not looking for that

20:08John
well obviously there isn't.
I'm obviously not looking for a girl that won't like me back
if you are seeing some dude
that means you won't like me
so why would I like you?
that way
that's it and that's all.

20:10Heather
good then!!!

20:10John
so let
so let's just forget all that bullshit
and tell me what the next essay is about

20:10Heather
i dunno havent looked at it!

20:10John
ok then
you're no good to me then

20:11Heather
alright then, well im gonna get to my dinner then!

20:11John
you should have said "no" on studying instead of wasting a lot of time just chatting about love and stuff like that and me I dont know what
I swear.
ugh
you're annoying

20:11Heather
what the hell is your deal

20:12John
I don't have a deal.
I don't know why you're so angry
honestly.

20:12Heather
wow youre really funny
cause im perfectly fine
yet you just called me annoying

20:12John
because you are
but that doesn't mean I'm angry
it just means you're annoying

20:13Heather
so let me cut it short for you, ive got to go

20:13John

it's cool

20:13Heather
bye!

20:13John
go and do your thing
deuce.
It's so hard to ask girls to study nowadays.
stupid 21st century