Friday at open mat I had a rollercoaster ride.
First, I rolled with a small male blue who is visiting for the summer from another school. For what it's worth he has one stripe. Interestingly he's smaller than I am (I've been eating watermelon, fried chicken, banana bread, blah blah blah) by about 10 lbs, but he's probably similar in height.
I've rolled with him before and now I know it's not a cakewalk. He has a tight guard game, though very basic and elementary. (That just makes it more frustrating when he eats me with it.) If you're not careful, he'll just forcibly mutate you into an armbar victim. If you are careful, he'll get you into scissor guard and bait you to suck up halfguard, then he'll cross collar choke you while you think you pass. MFer. I must be insane because I did the same, same, same thing 4 times in a row (producing increasingly gargle-y sounds before I did, yes 4 times, tap.) He also has a strong butterfly game. I thought my private with Daniel made my butterfly pass become kryptonite but I was wrong.
This was annoying. More annoying was the internal dialogue. "Dammit" and "sheesh" and "not again!" And then even MORE annoying... I quelled my sophomoric stiff-necked-ness and asked what would help against his cross collar choke, but then got irritated when he also started to tweak my butterfly pass. What's the matter with me? Stupid to resent someone being helpful. Stupid to let my ego get involved. I hope he couldn't tell what I was thinking. I want mentoring. I just don't want it from people I theoretically outrank. Because then it feeds into my conviction that I am overranked. But anyway.
So I got over that by ending the flagellation (one step in the right direction-- sense when you're getting emotional and take a break.) There was a whitebelt sitting around so I asked him to roll.
This is the up part of the rollercoaster. I won't belabor the point, I'll just say I successfully swept him from half butterfly/elevator a few times (even though he's 6'5"!) I also [cue momentous music] got my second ever triangle to submission of a fully-resisting adult male. [/music]
It was something I had to work my derriere off to get, of course. But somehow that made it all the better.
Maybe I can't keep up with other blues in my "class" who get better faster, grasp the game more easily, develop more sophisticatedly, apply themselves more efficiently, learn more intuitively. But maybe I can still, eventually, find other ways to beat their asses.
Even if it's just at baking. And then making them fat. :)
p.s. I did put that 3rd stripe back on my belt, last weekend, before a girlfriend who trains came in town to visit. I didn't want to get an earful from her. Congrats to her, by the way, for winning her division as a whitebelt at her first ever tournament! And best wishes for a safe smooth move with her husband to their new posting in North Carolina.