Hey wow... a tournament, and I'm not stressed out, unhappy, nervous, freaking, or starving and fantasizing about chocolate donuts!
OK... a chocolate donut sounds pretty damn good. But really...
My biggest relief of fear might be because I'm finally "used to" competing and have enough experience to be relaxed about it.
But I don't think that's it. I think what it is (lame) is that I entered the weight class up. You'd think this would mean I was even more nervous because I'm fighting bigger girls.. but nope.
Instead, I am way more relaxed about what I weigh, for one thing. I think sometimes I can lean towards some eating disordered behavior. I learned early on that if I worked out a ton and ate little, I would lose weight. Of course that futzes with your metabolism making it even harder to lose the "next time" but hey, I had a tournament around the corner, and I'd be damned if I would compete in the [whatever] weight class. Ahem.. never mind that due to greater-than-average musculature for a woman with the relatively low bodyfat of 19%, most of which is concentrated in my rump, I am kindly termed "short for my weight." I'm not fat-- I'm just.. sturdy. Most competing girls 5'2" tall are in the pluma category (118.0 or under, in gi) or pena category (129.0 or under, in gi.) So the fact that I competed in leve (141.0 or under in gi) means I was up against girls 3-5" taller than me.
Anyway, yeah, at least leve in English means "light" and I'd be DAMNED if I would compete in something called "middle"-- not when "middle" weight ladies are 5'8" or so and taller! Uh-uh. So yeah, if I was a couple pounds heavy, I'd restrict my calories and eat like crap and drop weight like a rock and it was "all good." Until the celebratory dinner after the tourney when I'd gain it back.
But last fall I didn't have any tournaments coming up and so I got relaxed. I ate what I felt like as long as it was whole grains or veggies or fruits or protein.. I tried to cut sugar out of my diet (failed but at least cut back) and ended up losing a few pounds without paying too much attention (and only crowing occasionally about it, to my friend Lynn.) Of course I ate like a pig over Christmas, but 10 or so of those pounds came off right away, and I just didn't feel like kicking my own ass to lose the rest of it quickly for this Houston tournament. (I do plan on competing at leve, AT LEAST, at the Pans and Mundials. Maybe pena even. That's just losing 15 or so lbs to be comfortable so entirely doable.)
Plus I won Houston last year in leve, same belt level, so I wanted a greater challenge. So I entered medio. And my weight has continued to fall. I'm maybe 4 pounds off of leve, 2.5 if I wore my Vulkan ultralight. So I'm definitely small for medio, but I don't care.
This also means I'm putting less pressure on myself to win my division, because while I think 10 lbs makes no difference ultimately, somehow I just feel a little bit better if I lose to a girl who (to my eye) looks really tall. Yeah, only one girl in the division, so when I get a silver (IF!) don't be all woowoo, all right? I watched her youtube video from one tournament and she fights DUDES. 'Nuff said. I'll be happy to win and I am going in there with the bit in my teeth, but I am more relaxed about the division than I am about absolute! (2 chicas in the heavyweight category, my opponent, and then 7 gals either my size or smaller.)
Anyway, anyway. I am feeling great about this tournament. I have all kinds of plans for what I want to have happen in my matches. I am so psyched to bust out some judo. I am so fine on weight that I can eat dinner tonight and enjoy it. I am working the tournament so that covers expenses. I want to go have fun most of all. And because I'm losing weight, I'm not even really dying for a chocolate donut or any other treat. So it's all good! Even my wrist (no wrap at lunch open mat) and ankle are both A-OK. And to top it all off, I'm super happy for my team, which is bringing a huge number of people to compete, including Courtney, who's only been training 2 months! her first tournament! Sooooooooo happy to see my pals go wreck house. As Donald put it, take everything home with you, even some lady's "#1 Mom" pendant. *grin*
And I'll leave you with this. I did an image search for chocolate donut, and this guy was labeled "chocolate donut face."