2013 was a crazy, crazy year for me, for the blog, for my jiu jitsu...
The biggest deal of my 2013 was the infertility bullshit. After several years of trying a variety of things and spending a lot of money, we have finally come to accept that, absent a gestational carrier to host our remaining two potential-children that are currently frozen, parenthood is not in our future. (I make it sound all pat and tidy and final when it's not always any of those, but, generally speaking, I am THE COOLEST AUNT EVER and I'm going to be okay with that.)
I will say, the worst thing about infertility for me has been realizing that all these hard lessons I've learned (and still need to learn) will not be passed along to my sprout(s). It made me feel kind of pointless, you know? why bother learning things the hard way if I can't use that to save someone else from doing the same dumb stuff?
Then I realized, the worstest hardest lessons are the ones I'd never be able to confess to my own offspring.
AND... they'd never listen anyway.
So.. there's that. (Unless someone with a uterus wants to offer us 9 months of their life, in which case, come on mama.)
Also, we lost two important people in our family... my husband's mom Norma and his uncle Rolando. That's been really hard.
Of course the TLI debacle has been huge. Can't tell you how many wonderful, amazing friends I've made because of that miserable series of events. That and increased awareness of and resistance to rape culture in our community is about the only silver lining. We are LOSING the SEO (search engine optimization) battle against Lloyd Irvin, so if there's any SEO whizzes out there willing to help, ping me. But we're not done with the NYE rapists. Nick Schultz still faces two misdemeanor sexual abuse charges; people are tracking Nick and Mateo and we'll be discussing where they're currently training soon. (I need to get some screen shots.) I still encourage people to direct some traffic towards www.LloydIrvinRapeTruth.com and if you haven't read Jake Rossen's great expose, it's found here.
Work is ... work. I love it, but it's been yanking my chain a bunch with deadlines and lots of travel. It's messing with my training schedule and my blogging, but I love it and it's nice to make money. Especially because my hubby is switching careers and begins an accelerated program in nursing this summer, leading to an RN, a master's of nursing, and a Clinical Nurse Specialist degree. In a few years.
Future plans for 2014:
I'm toying with the possibility of getting back into competition. I'll definitely be working the bigger IBJJF tournaments, and hey, I'm on weight for pena, wouldn't it be funny if I could make it to feather? I love my academy and our instructors, Paulo just moved permanently from Brazil and Donald is back from Chicago... so I have fewer excuses.
Bullshido: I'm looking forward to doing more of the work I should be doing there, once my real job slows down a bit in late spring.
In the near term though, I am looking forward to a few days with my Filipino family and I probably won't be on weight for pena by the time I get back to Austin. Especially because I'm making some killer homemade eggnog tonight and I might have to drink it all myself. Boo hoo ;)
I wish you all a holiday (yes, I know, Hanukkah is over, I'm a bad ecumenical friend) season full of love, forgiveness, and real joy
Tuesday, December 24, 2013
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
Don't ever start from failure!
Darren from Gracie Humaita Cleveland makes a great point which helped my training...
And hey... that Tozi pass? didn't work for me a stitch. I think I don't weigh enough, which when combined with my lack of finesse and technique to adjust in the moment, gets me swept-city.
But I'mma keep working on it.
How's your training? starting to look at the Pan??? (Don't go overboard with holiday treats so you don't have to cut too strictly...)
And hey... that Tozi pass? didn't work for me a stitch. I think I don't weigh enough, which when combined with my lack of finesse and technique to adjust in the moment, gets me swept-city.
But I'mma keep working on it.
How's your training? starting to look at the Pan??? (Don't go overboard with holiday treats so you don't have to cut too strictly...)
Wednesday, December 04, 2013
Training again as consistently as I can...
Super happy to be back on the mats a little more consistently than work, family, and travel permitted within recent memory... I'm chock full of interesting things to work on (getting a guard is tops on the list... passing a close second.) And I have the good fortune to have higher-ups willing to invest in me and help me along. And hubby is so generous with his time (letting me train as I like.)
I need to make the guard player bear more of my weight as I pass! And I need a better grip plan when I play guard!
And... stumbled across this today. I hate being in closed guard, don't usually find myself there, but I did last night and I think this would have been entertaining to try. The Tozi pass:
Training the mind too. A friend shared a snip of this on facebook, and another friend pointed out that I was missing quite a bit of it. Google, I love you. This is good food for thought.
Dhammapada-- Choices
We are what we think.
All that we are arises with our thoughts.
With our thoughts we make the world.
Speak or act with an impure mind
And trouble will follow you
As the wheel follows the ox that draws the cart.
We are what we think.
All that we are arises with our thoughts.
With our thoughts we make the world.
Speak or act with a pure mind
And happiness will follow you
As your shadow, unshakable.
"Look how he abused me and hurt me,
How he threw me down and robbed me."
Live with such thoughts and you live in hate.
"Look how he abused me and hurt me,
How he threw me down and robbed me."
Abandon such thoughts, and live in love.
In this world
Hate never yet dispelled hate.
Only love dispels hate.
This is the law,
Ancient and inexhaustible.
You too shall pass away.
Knowing this, how can you quarrel?
How easily the wind overturns a frail tree.
Seek happiness in the senses,
Indulge in food and sleep,
And you too will be uprooted.
The wind cannot overturn a mountain.
Temptation cannot touch the man
Who is awake, strong and humble,
Who masters himself and minds the dharma.
If a man's thoughts are muddy,
If he is reckless and full of deceit,
How can he wear the yellow robe?
Whoever is master of his own nature,
Bright, clear and true,
He may indeed wear the yellow robe.
Mistaking the false for the true,
And the true for the false,
You overlook the heart
And fill yourself with desire.
See the false as false,
The true as true.
Look into your heart.
Follow your nature.
An unreflecting mind is a poor roof.
Passion, like the rain, floods the house.
But if the roof is strong, there is shelter.
Whoever follows impure thoughts
Suffers in this world and the next.
In both worlds he suffers
And how greatly
When he sees the wrong he has done.
But whoever follows the dharma
Is joyful here and joyful there.
In both worlds he rejoices
And how greatly
When he sees the good he has done.
For great is the harvest in this world,
And greater still in the next.
However many holy words you read,
However many you speak,
What good will they do you
If you do not act upon them?
Are you a shepherd
Who counts another man's sheep,
Never sharing the way?
Read as few words as you like,
And speak fewer.
But act upon the dharma.
Give up the old ways -
Passion, enmity, folly.
Know the truth and find peace.
Share the way.
I need to make the guard player bear more of my weight as I pass! And I need a better grip plan when I play guard!
And... stumbled across this today. I hate being in closed guard, don't usually find myself there, but I did last night and I think this would have been entertaining to try. The Tozi pass:
Training the mind too. A friend shared a snip of this on facebook, and another friend pointed out that I was missing quite a bit of it. Google, I love you. This is good food for thought.
Dhammapada-- Choices
We are what we think.
All that we are arises with our thoughts.
With our thoughts we make the world.
Speak or act with an impure mind
And trouble will follow you
As the wheel follows the ox that draws the cart.
We are what we think.
All that we are arises with our thoughts.
With our thoughts we make the world.
Speak or act with a pure mind
And happiness will follow you
As your shadow, unshakable.
"Look how he abused me and hurt me,
How he threw me down and robbed me."
Live with such thoughts and you live in hate.
"Look how he abused me and hurt me,
How he threw me down and robbed me."
Abandon such thoughts, and live in love.
In this world
Hate never yet dispelled hate.
Only love dispels hate.
This is the law,
Ancient and inexhaustible.
You too shall pass away.
Knowing this, how can you quarrel?
How easily the wind overturns a frail tree.
Seek happiness in the senses,
Indulge in food and sleep,
And you too will be uprooted.
The wind cannot overturn a mountain.
Temptation cannot touch the man
Who is awake, strong and humble,
Who masters himself and minds the dharma.
If a man's thoughts are muddy,
If he is reckless and full of deceit,
How can he wear the yellow robe?
Whoever is master of his own nature,
Bright, clear and true,
He may indeed wear the yellow robe.
Mistaking the false for the true,
And the true for the false,
You overlook the heart
And fill yourself with desire.
See the false as false,
The true as true.
Look into your heart.
Follow your nature.
An unreflecting mind is a poor roof.
Passion, like the rain, floods the house.
But if the roof is strong, there is shelter.
Whoever follows impure thoughts
Suffers in this world and the next.
In both worlds he suffers
And how greatly
When he sees the wrong he has done.
But whoever follows the dharma
Is joyful here and joyful there.
In both worlds he rejoices
And how greatly
When he sees the good he has done.
For great is the harvest in this world,
And greater still in the next.
However many holy words you read,
However many you speak,
What good will they do you
If you do not act upon them?
Are you a shepherd
Who counts another man's sheep,
Never sharing the way?
Read as few words as you like,
And speak fewer.
But act upon the dharma.
Give up the old ways -
Passion, enmity, folly.
Know the truth and find peace.
Share the way.
Tuesday, December 03, 2013
DJ Jackson's confession and other horror stories released in new Lloyd Irvin exposé
Jake Rossen's article just came out:
http://www.miaminewtimes.com/2013-12-05/news/ufc-trainer-lloyd-irvin-cult/
Also, updates in Nick Schultz's case... his prior attorney withdrew (he's out of cash) and he's gotten counsel appointed by the Court. They're going forward with the misdemeanor charges, and the defense attorney will return to court later once he can meet with Nick and look at the charges, the file, etc. Nick is still out on a PR bond.
From the dccourts.gov website:
Status Hearing scheduled for 12/03/2013 at 10:00 am has been resulted as follows:
Result: Hearing Held
Judge: DEMEO, MARISA J Location: Courtroom 210
NICHOLAS SCHULTZ (Defendant (Criminal)); ; GREY A GARDNER (Attorney) on behalf of NICHOLAS SCHULTZ (Defendant (Criminal)); Judge MARISA J DEMEO
12/03/2013 Event Resulted - Release Status: Event Resulted - Release Status: PR PSA. AUSA Peter Taylor present on behalf of the Government. Defendant was screened and determined to be CJA eligible. Court appointed counsel. Newly appointed counsel requests a status hearing to confer with client, investigate, and receive discovery, granted, Government not opposed.
The following event:
12/03/2013 Attorney Appointed/Dismissed Attorney Dismissed
Attorney LOTZE, Ms NIKKI U dismissed/withdrawn for SCHULTZ, NICHOLAS on 12/03/2013
12/03/2013 Attorney Appointed/Dismissed Attorney Appointed
Attorney GARDNER, GREY A representing Defendant (Criminal) SCHULTZ, NICHOLAS as of 12/03/2013
http://www.miaminewtimes.com/2013-12-05/news/ufc-trainer-lloyd-irvin-cult/
Also, updates in Nick Schultz's case... his prior attorney withdrew (he's out of cash) and he's gotten counsel appointed by the Court. They're going forward with the misdemeanor charges, and the defense attorney will return to court later once he can meet with Nick and look at the charges, the file, etc. Nick is still out on a PR bond.
From the dccourts.gov website:
Status Hearing scheduled for 12/03/2013 at 10:00 am has been resulted as follows:
Result: Hearing Held
Judge: DEMEO, MARISA J Location: Courtroom 210
NICHOLAS SCHULTZ (Defendant (Criminal)); ; GREY A GARDNER (Attorney) on behalf of NICHOLAS SCHULTZ (Defendant (Criminal)); Judge MARISA J DEMEO
12/03/2013 Event Resulted - Release Status: Event Resulted - Release Status: PR PSA. AUSA Peter Taylor present on behalf of the Government. Defendant was screened and determined to be CJA eligible. Court appointed counsel. Newly appointed counsel requests a status hearing to confer with client, investigate, and receive discovery, granted, Government not opposed.
The following event:
12/03/2013 Attorney Appointed/Dismissed Attorney Dismissed
Attorney LOTZE, Ms NIKKI U dismissed/withdrawn for SCHULTZ, NICHOLAS on 12/03/2013
12/03/2013 Attorney Appointed/Dismissed Attorney Appointed
Attorney GARDNER, GREY A representing Defendant (Criminal) SCHULTZ, NICHOLAS as of 12/03/2013
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