So here's why I'm whining...
1. I'm at a new school in a new city in a new life (this is a great place, by the way-- good people, good grappling, good vibe, good instruction.) But it's different. And I mean, different. I'm coming from one side of the BJJ family to the other, and wow, they really are.. on separate planets.
2. Now I get lots of one on one attention from the upper belts and instructor. LOTS. Lots of rolling time, every day. This is great. But it also means I am always frustrated.
3. My purple belt conferred no magic. I am still a small, older female. This means when grappling larger, younger, stronger men, I get stuffed. Less than before, success... but when I get somewhere with a brown or blackbelt... I know they let me, at some level. And I get pissed. But I also get pissed when they don't let me. And I'm struggling (still) to discern when the aren't letting me by virtue of using their strength (so not cool) or because their technique is so awesome.
4. I find myself comparing the way I was taught to do things with the way I'm currently being taught and I want my old way to be the better way (because if Donald and Henry taught it that way, then by golly, it's the right way). So when I ask about the new way and their preferences versus mine, I am frustrated that I don't always remember the reason why we did it this other way. And I am double mad when I can't execute the "right way" against the new people. Because I want to rep my origins.
5. When I am allowed to get somewhere, I find myself blanking and returning to the same old boring 3-4 subs and series. I need new material, writers!
6. Those same old series aren't working! so I need to find new sneaky ways! and hello, against browns and blacks, that's not easy at all.