Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Mundials is coming up...
I'm thinking about not competing at the Mundials.
There, I said it.
I'm not suffering my usual tournament scaredy-cat jitters. This is different. I'm just not motivated to compete. For one thing, I was out sick an entire week, and ate enough for an army, and gained weight, and then I came back and training isn't dropping the weight. And I'm still coughing-- I don't think it's a big deal, but I notice it when I'm on the bottom under someone with a good knee on belly. For another, I realize I'm just not at the level I need to be to have a shot at the podium at that level of competition. I don't mind competing, I just like there to be a potential upside.. a chance of winning. I wouldn't say I have NO chance, but it's not a strong chance. And why rely on chance... it should be skill.
Please don't think this is some fishing for compliments kind of post. It's not that at all.
I also like training more when I am in the "shoot for the moon, have nothing to lose" phase, like I am now. When I was getting ready for the Pan, I was physically training hard, but mentally I was not trying to learn new things and absorb stuff. I was just polishing and trying to perfect what was already in my toolbox. I felt somewhat stuck or frozen, to be honest, but it was acceptable because I wanted to have a pure focus on the game I would play at the Pan.
Right now, I feel like I'm just a sponge, soaking up everything around me, and it's rather pleasant. I also can train as hard as I want, start every match from the feet, do takedowns, whatever, and I'm not constantly thinking "but what if I get hurt?" It's funny, because Mundials is only 2 1/2 weeks away, but I just don't feel any urgency. This plus not liking to stress over weight is why I'm pretty lackadaisical about competing this time.